Nobody ever said it would be easy to raise a child. The exhausting infant and toddler years, the hectic school age years, sibling rivalry, work-life balance. Enter adolescence: the stormy hormonal swings, the autonomy issues, the escalating social and academic pressures. My oldest son is now thirteen. His plate is full with health conditions including diabetes, celiac disease, asthma, food allergies; he simply lacks room for anymore. It is so easy for me to become sad and angry after he screams at all of us and retreats to the cave in his room. I know that all teenagers do this (including him) , but right now he feels awful because his blood sugar is 400 and he is leaving in less than an hour for a Bar Mitzvah party, where there will probably not be any food he can eat. He is so tired of the power bars I send with him. After his bedroom door slams and shakes the foundation of the house, I stand downstairs, wringing my hands. I like to think about the super kid that we and the outside world often see in him: the bright, witty student, the competitive soccer player, the responsible older brother. Sometimes it helps me, but these images are fleeting because there is not much I can do to change the current situation.
On his Bar Mitzvah morning a few months ago, I had the opportunity to share my thoughts about him, to publicly recognize his strengths and celebrate the young man he is becoming. Since that special day, I have read it many times, and this does help me. It allows me recapture the atmosphere of that moment, and to recognize in my heart, that for all of the times I see his sadness and anger surface, he is much more than that. He is the person I spoke of that morning.
“Before you were born, we didn’t know if we were having a boy or girl. We did know it would be during the Hanukkah season, and so we referred to you as Maccabi, after the brave family of brothers who fought the Syrian Greeks and re-dedicated the Temple.
From a young age you have demonstrated strength and integrity. Your determination and inner drive is impressive, relentless and at times- exasperating. But it has served you well. In school, you are engaged and inquisitive. You always enhance the classroom experience. You bring to your relationships a unique mix of compassion and humor: you are a devoted and caring brother and cousin, and a loyal friend.
Becoming Bar Mitzvah is a transition to Jewish adulthood and a time to accept responsibility. You have not had it so easy up until this time in your life. We know that. We know that you face challenges that people decades older than you do not face. This has impacted you, and has often interfered with your life. But you have NEVER let it stop you. You tackle everything with passion: you may crash sometimes, but you land on your feet. That drive ..YOUR INNER DRIVE pushes you forward.
So like the Maccabis, who scored a victory although they were far outnumbered, and Joseph in your Torah portion, who faced several obstacles but managed to achieve so much. You are a HERO to me. You are certainly an inspiration to many of us here today.
Mazel Tov, and may you continue to go from strength to strength. We love you.”